Traveling

Parkes, NSW. Hot, hot, hot. Hot in the shade and mindbogglingly hot in the sun.

Today is our third day of camping with Joey and Helen on the way home from Brisbane to Melbourne, and it's really, really hot. After I had a minor melt down yesterday at the tail end of the hottest part of the day (can't use the air conditioning because it heats up the engine alarmingly and we are packed in tight with walls of bags on all sides) Hollie and Helen came up with a ratings system for identifying levels of heat stress, from hot and sticky to completely hysterical. I'm on the lower end of hysterical, heat-wise, but feeling more relaxed today regardless, the worries I've been turning over since we all got on the road together are less compelling than the last few days.

I've been worrying about how I seem to Joey and Helen, whether I seem healthy, happy, emotionally normal, sufficiently resilient, creative and interesting enough to be worthy enough to carry and raise a baby. I've been worrying about how to arrange the practicalities of donation, how Hollie and Helen will feel on the day, how to bring up sperm analysis and testing. I've been worrying about stealing Helen's right to first-born baby. I've been worrying about whether I come across as profoundly grateful as I feel and whether I talk about the baby making too often, and whether I sound flippant or ridiculous when I do, and whether I'll have to seem confident and on top of things all the time.

Despite the heat and the worries, though, the country is spectacular and incredibly varied as we work our way down the inland road, and we have swum in beautiful rivers the whole way. It's hard to stay worried in the relief of cool, deep river water! Only two more hours in the car until the next one!