Sunny and bright.
I rang an IVF place today to check if we can get a semen analysis without somehow getting mixed up in any other kind of process (I was a bit scared that I'd be booked in for IVF before I'd got past hello) and the nice lady on the phone made my day by being super excited for us that we had Joey for the baby making. But she did also suggest an AMH test for me (checks how many eggs you likely have left) which I'd never heard of and found out I also don't need in all likelihood. I could hear Mum in my head - "unnecessary intervention!" This must be how it begins - before you even get started on making the baby. Well, I'm watching out for it Mum!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Why blog?
11pm, dark, cool and quiet.
I am driving myself crazy with one track thinking... babies babies babies... I am honestly looking forward to being back at work partly for the distraction. This can't be normal!
So, why blog? A little bit of wanting to keep a record. A little bit of wanting to share the excitement (with who, I'm not sure!). A little bit of mental space to work things out. A little bit because in all the hundreds of other lesbian-mum blogs there are so few, it seems, who have known donors and who go the turkey baster way. (Why is that?) I love the IVF stories for what they teach me about patience and resilience, but I'd also love the gossip on other people's versions of handing over the sperm in our very own living room, and making a baby that will tangle up the four of us in such an enormous and unknowable way.
I am driving myself crazy with one track thinking... babies babies babies... I am honestly looking forward to being back at work partly for the distraction. This can't be normal!
So, why blog? A little bit of wanting to keep a record. A little bit of wanting to share the excitement (with who, I'm not sure!). A little bit of mental space to work things out. A little bit because in all the hundreds of other lesbian-mum blogs there are so few, it seems, who have known donors and who go the turkey baster way. (Why is that?) I love the IVF stories for what they teach me about patience and resilience, but I'd also love the gossip on other people's versions of handing over the sperm in our very own living room, and making a baby that will tangle up the four of us in such an enormous and unknowable way.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Traveling
Parkes, NSW. Hot, hot, hot. Hot in the shade and mindbogglingly hot in the sun.
Today is our third day of camping with Joey and Helen on the way home from Brisbane to Melbourne, and it's really, really hot. After I had a minor melt down yesterday at the tail end of the hottest part of the day (can't use the air conditioning because it heats up the engine alarmingly and we are packed in tight with walls of bags on all sides) Hollie and Helen came up with a ratings system for identifying levels of heat stress, from hot and sticky to completely hysterical. I'm on the lower end of hysterical, heat-wise, but feeling more relaxed today regardless, the worries I've been turning over since we all got on the road together are less compelling than the last few days.
I've been worrying about how I seem to Joey and Helen, whether I seem healthy, happy, emotionally normal, sufficiently resilient, creative and interesting enough to be worthy enough to carry and raise a baby. I've been worrying about how to arrange the practicalities of donation, how Hollie and Helen will feel on the day, how to bring up sperm analysis and testing. I've been worrying about stealing Helen's right to first-born baby. I've been worrying about whether I come across as profoundly grateful as I feel and whether I talk about the baby making too often, and whether I sound flippant or ridiculous when I do, and whether I'll have to seem confident and on top of things all the time.
Despite the heat and the worries, though, the country is spectacular and incredibly varied as we work our way down the inland road, and we have swum in beautiful rivers the whole way. It's hard to stay worried in the relief of cool, deep river water! Only two more hours in the car until the next one!
Today is our third day of camping with Joey and Helen on the way home from Brisbane to Melbourne, and it's really, really hot. After I had a minor melt down yesterday at the tail end of the hottest part of the day (can't use the air conditioning because it heats up the engine alarmingly and we are packed in tight with walls of bags on all sides) Hollie and Helen came up with a ratings system for identifying levels of heat stress, from hot and sticky to completely hysterical. I'm on the lower end of hysterical, heat-wise, but feeling more relaxed today regardless, the worries I've been turning over since we all got on the road together are less compelling than the last few days.
I've been worrying about how I seem to Joey and Helen, whether I seem healthy, happy, emotionally normal, sufficiently resilient, creative and interesting enough to be worthy enough to carry and raise a baby. I've been worrying about how to arrange the practicalities of donation, how Hollie and Helen will feel on the day, how to bring up sperm analysis and testing. I've been worrying about stealing Helen's right to first-born baby. I've been worrying about whether I come across as profoundly grateful as I feel and whether I talk about the baby making too often, and whether I sound flippant or ridiculous when I do, and whether I'll have to seem confident and on top of things all the time.
Despite the heat and the worries, though, the country is spectacular and incredibly varied as we work our way down the inland road, and we have swum in beautiful rivers the whole way. It's hard to stay worried in the relief of cool, deep river water! Only two more hours in the car until the next one!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year
New Year's Day, Woodford Folk Festival. Hot in the sun, with a glorious breeze and just the tiniest shower as the sun set.
Today I walked up the hill with Joey and Helen to watch the sun rise. Most people were still pretty messy from the night before, and I think a lot had seen the night right through to sunrise, but being Woodford it was sweet and special. Even though we all know the sun does it every morning, it felt momentous when it stained the whole sky pink and then broke up above the horizon and through the clouds. It felt momentous for me because this is the year I'd like to try to make a baby. A baby with Hollie. And Joey. And Helen. The Baby Collective! Happy, happy New Year!
Today I walked up the hill with Joey and Helen to watch the sun rise. Most people were still pretty messy from the night before, and I think a lot had seen the night right through to sunrise, but being Woodford it was sweet and special. Even though we all know the sun does it every morning, it felt momentous when it stained the whole sky pink and then broke up above the horizon and through the clouds. It felt momentous for me because this is the year I'd like to try to make a baby. A baby with Hollie. And Joey. And Helen. The Baby Collective! Happy, happy New Year!
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